This hits differently when you’ve been both the parent and now the grandparent. I raised my sons believing that authority equaled love, that being ‘above’ them was protection. But with my grandchildren, I’m learning to be curious about their perspectives instead of correcting them. The beautiful irony? The more I treat them as equals, the more they actually listen and learn. It’s never too late to model horizontal relationships—our children and grandchildren are watching how we treat everyone around us.
Love this! It makes me think of a line from one of Jeff Tweedy’s Starship Casual newsletter:
"I think the thing we can take credit for with our kids, and be proud of and recommend to other people, is that we never talked down to them or acted like they were extensions of us that we needed to mold into something different than who they already are. Even very young we accepted them as fully-formed people. People we tried to get to know, and tried to help guide and set boundaries for, but not people we would get to make. I think that was a good approach, and I think they appreciated that."
Because they are our children we carry some expectation that they are like us, that we know what’s best for them. And it’s easy to knock them into our shape. Harder to be the curious guide — but all the right things are! Thanks for digging this up for us @Nic Rosslee.
"What I find really interesting is that as I try to see those I once considered 'beneath' me as equals, I find myself feeling less inferior to those I previously placed 'above' me. Sorcery, I tell you." - now there's a home truth! Thanks Warren!
We’ve all been bludgeoned with the ‘treat everyone equally’ message. But what we miss is that it’s actually in our own interest to do so, rather than for the benefit of the other person.
Great read
This hits differently when you’ve been both the parent and now the grandparent. I raised my sons believing that authority equaled love, that being ‘above’ them was protection. But with my grandchildren, I’m learning to be curious about their perspectives instead of correcting them. The beautiful irony? The more I treat them as equals, the more they actually listen and learn. It’s never too late to model horizontal relationships—our children and grandchildren are watching how we treat everyone around us.
Your grandkids are lucky to have you, Annette. They watch us like hawks!
Love this! It makes me think of a line from one of Jeff Tweedy’s Starship Casual newsletter:
"I think the thing we can take credit for with our kids, and be proud of and recommend to other people, is that we never talked down to them or acted like they were extensions of us that we needed to mold into something different than who they already are. Even very young we accepted them as fully-formed people. People we tried to get to know, and tried to help guide and set boundaries for, but not people we would get to make. I think that was a good approach, and I think they appreciated that."
Because they are our children we carry some expectation that they are like us, that we know what’s best for them. And it’s easy to knock them into our shape. Harder to be the curious guide — but all the right things are! Thanks for digging this up for us @Nic Rosslee.
"What I find really interesting is that as I try to see those I once considered 'beneath' me as equals, I find myself feeling less inferior to those I previously placed 'above' me. Sorcery, I tell you." - now there's a home truth! Thanks Warren!
Not even Harry Potter can do magic like that
Loved this piece Wa, superbly written (as always). So much truth in there – reminds me of when the singer Tyla said this: https://youtube.com/shorts/suI8pRx4auI?si=wrfaBRFGAQkTuNMl (and look where that advice got her).
We’ve all been bludgeoned with the ‘treat everyone equally’ message. But what we miss is that it’s actually in our own interest to do so, rather than for the benefit of the other person.